I don’t even know where to begin talking about this, but I do feel like it needs to be talked about: sex in media.
There needs to be more sex in media, but not specifically because media needs to be more sexed up. It’s because as a culture we’re far too shy about talking about sex. When we do talk about sex, we usually fall back on the standard “normal” tropes of sex and make it very unambiguously clear that we wouldn’t dare even consider sex outside of the boundaries set by the easy-to-please normative culture. This causes a LOT of problems.
Because sex can’t be talked about without trying to add the constant caveats: “we’re normal, THEY’RE perverts”. It’s fortunate nobody has to PROVE they’re normal—they are presumed normal until otherwise caught and/or suspected of being strange. And strange is dangerous, strange has to be ostracized, because it breaks down the narrative that sexual desire can easily be normalized into simple concepts.
After all, if “everyone knows” what normal, healthy sexual expression looks like, then we can presume that everyone is on the same page and we don’t have to talk about it.
But what “everyone knows” about sexual expression is rarely tested, because we as a culture are too afraid to put those ideas to the test—scared that anything off-center will lead to stigmatization, simply because anyone can CLAIM to be perfectly normal and play for the normal healthy-expression team.
Just so long as you don’t know and we don’t have to talk about it.
I am not saying that literally any expression of sexuality is healthy—only that we can’t really know unless we can have actual conversations about it without trying to be defensive and put up walls, or throwing the subject under a blanket and pretending not to know the nuances because we’re scared we’ll attract the perverts, or that people will suspect us of being perverts.
I doubt we’ll ever be able to get rid of all the walls. But we can at least try to talk maturely about it.
I also think that discussions of non-normative sex don’t have to be completely clinical.
But I feel often that there’s a subsection of sex-in-fiction that is missing, the intersection between real-life and fantasy.
Now naturally, sex in fiction is often entirely encompassed in the fantasy side. Because trying to bring in real life into the equation “ruins” the fantasy. This is likewise put up as a defense, “I can’t talk about how this situation would be in reality, you’d ruin it for everyone!”
The fact that sex fantasies go unanalyzed leads a lot of people to presume that they are inherently meaningless. I disagree.
Sex fantasy might be irrational but it’s not meaningless. Our brains are patterned to see the world as a collection of objects, symbols, and relationships between them. Those symbols mean things to us. Those symbols aren’t suddenly devoid of meaning when they’re utilized in a sex fantasy.
That those symbols don’t carry all the real-world baggage for every individual likewise doesn’t mean those people are BAD for having sex fantasies between, say, a teacher and a student. The fantasy is itself stripped of the negative associations, but keeps the ones that have inherent meaning. This happens with different symbols for different people.
Do I know why this happens? Hardly. But shying away from talking about it like “that’s just how it is” is a terrible way to handle the issue.
Personally I think it should always be possible to intersect the real and the fantasy in fiction in a way that doesn’t inherently legitimize bad relationships as the only way someone would be able to realize these inner desires that they have. Positive relationships don’t have to be “normal”—but they DO have to be good.
The thing that’s really missing in any sex fantasy is communication. A sex fantasy usually implies communication, or implies that communication is unnecessary, and that secrets can be kept forever. A lot of people, especially young people, don’t know how important communication is and could easily be misled by fantasy depictions to think it must be unnecessary or unwanted.
And that doesn’t even have anything to do with the *content* of the fantasy, just its presentation.
Likewise, a story that involves sex doesn’t have to be 100% positive or 100% negative. Because abuse is real and it DOES happen. It’s also possible to forgive people. It’s also possible that forgiveness just is not doable.
There are a LOT of facets to the issue I haven’t even touched on, and an issue that has a lot of facets needs to be talked about a lot more than it has without just shutting down the conversation from one side or the other.
It should be possible to talk frankly without being repulsive.
The real/fantasy divide is a subject I have a lot to say on but probably won’t get into every detail. Only that, at what level are writers responsible for their audience at depicting things as they are, or depicting things ideally?
Even though I don’t know the answer I do think the concept needs to be approached more often until it’s not weird to see the divide. It can and has been done in fiction that’s about violence. It needs to be done more in fiction that’s about sex.
I did mention a while ago I might be breaching into more adult subjects. I think that taking a mature approach toward sexuality doesn’t necessarily have to preclude having fun with it (or even being humorous about it). Only that it needs to be mindful and not misleading.
Oh, how the turntables…
Foxy the Pirate Fox shows you what happens when you don’t keep an eye on pirates cove and makes the camera relive the bite of ‘87.
This was so much fun to do, and I’m glad it’s finally all done and dusted. I hope you guys enjoy it too and don’t forget…you are a pirate.
oh my gosh this is awesome
Slow. Clap. http://ift.tt/1euhu0D
favorite linguist joke and i will never not reblog it